Issue #2
September 1st, 2006
Happy Birthday, Artemis!
Classifieds
Betas
Looking for a beta? Looking to beta for someone? Here's your chance to advertise:
BETA OFFERED Less than 40,000 words preferred, don't expect much help with romance or sex. Prefer to beta over AIM, for real time discussion. Specialities: spelling and grammar, and canon accuracy. Contact Windfox.
BETA OFFERED Preferred genres: Action, Humor. Any length, any pairing, but I hate romance, so please, nothing too mushy! Specialities: Conflicts with the books. Conflicts within the story. Contact Mulch Diggums.
BETA WANTED For completed romance story, pairing together the Observatory Editor “The Humble Mosquito” and Hermione Granger. Author will consider any beta to take this on a “Minor Deity,” as long as she gets to be a god. Oh, what fun, what fun. Contact the author, Dim Aldeberan, at the Orion Awards forums through PM or post.
Plot Bunny Adoption Agency
Adorable little plot bunnies who need a home! Won't you give them one? Here are a few of our poor little dears:
RANDOM BUNNY Artemis + public transportation = ? Make it funny! Make it sad. Make it make no sense. No real specifications. Adopt, please?
POPULAR BUNNY has taken over the minds of many unsuspecting writers and is out of control: Hooker Holly. Read Orion Best Line nominations to see why. Please adopt, but be cautious. This bunny is an addictive creature.
ONE TRUE PAIRING BUNNY needs a happy, caring home: Arty/Ally…Star-crossed lovers from two different worlds (literally). A love that transcends the laws of nature. They have so much in common, but will it work out? You decide. For inspiration, stalk Ally (Dim Aldeberan) on the Orion Forums.
Challenges
12 LABOURS OF HERCULES
The challenge is to write 12 (or more) fics out of the 24 Labours. These are
challenges that range from AH to X-overs. You can also submit a "fishwish" fic
request. Ongoing.
af100
Every Monday, a challenge and a prompt is given. Write a drabble for that
prompt, around 100 words, and post it on the LiveJournal group!
Challenge #22: "DETACH"
Submit by: end of September
CRIMINALITY AUGUST-SEPTEMBER CHALLENGE
The revolution challenge. Write about any kind of revolution, by any definition! (Must include reference to a flying machine)
Deadline: September 30th
CRIMINALITY SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER CHALLENGE
A realistic romance. Write about a romance - but not the beginning or the end of it! Must include a romance cliché turned on its head.
Deadline: October 30th
CRIMINALITY AMNESTY
Now's your chance to take any one of the past Criminality Challenges that
have already ended.
Ends: September 30th
Personal Ads
INDEPENDENT WOMAN looking for a man who doesn’t have a problem with females in power. Must watch all seasons of The Sopranos. Come to the Frazetti restaurant in Chicago and ask for “the Lady”. I’ll find you.
SINGLE MALE ADOLECENT seeks temporary cure for unbecoming hormones. Must be intelligent and pleasing to the eyes. One date. Payment will be negotiated depending on quality of first kiss. Come to Fowl Manor and wait at the gates.
HOT, YOUNG SPRITE in law enforcement looks
for male sprite, elf, or pixie with a good personality.
Must be comfortable in leather pants.
Call (52) 9021-0718 and ask for Chix.
I’M ONLY DOING THIS because I lost a bet. If you want to help a single, female P.I. elf prove that she can get a date without dressing like a certain Corporal Bimbo, call (45) 8675-3099.
CENTAUR, STILL SINGLE and waiting for a call. Or an email. Set up an ad last month. Still haven’t got anything. I’m handsome, tall as a gnome in stiletto heels, and I have a thick, glossy, completely bald-spot-free mane. Honestly. Email me (still) at betterthanopal@LEP.gov.ug
Lost and Found
ELECTRONIC MARVEL lost or stolen by invisible boy. It’s a small cube that sees EVERYTHING and talks to me. Need hired help for retrieval. I’m not crazy. Contact me at the Chicago Asylum.
LOST Fake rubber buttocks. Yes, The kind you wear at parties. If found, send email to betterthanopal@LEP.gov.ug, leave name/address. WARNING: DO NOT WEAR. Left cheek is still faulty.
FOUND someone’s better “end,”
if y’know what I mean. Rubber and very realistic-looking. Tried
it on, it let out gas. Tear gas.
Call: (45) 8675-3099
Help Wanted
IRISH BUSINESSMAN in need of special services. One job. Make that two. In sum: parents out, Maid gone, babies need changing. Come to Fowl Manor. Payment will follow.
OA JUDGES
Judging season is just around the corner. Want to have a hand in who wins
this year's Orion Awards? Like to read and discuss fanfiction? Then Judging is
the job for you! More help is always appreciated, and our Staff just loves
welcoming new members. Volunteer
here.
Affiliates
LEP.gov
If you see something, say something. Help the Lower Elements Police protect YOU.
ShortandDiggumsPI.gnom
Just call. We need work.
MyPlace.gnom
The blogging sensation that’s sweeping the underground nation!
HollyNeedsaDate.gnom
Sponsored by the Lower Elements Police. (Come join us in our forums! www.hollyneedsadate.gnom/forums/)
