Issue #4
Classifieds
Betas
Looking for a beta? Looking to beta for someone? Here's your chance to advertise:
BETA OFFERED Less than 40,000 words preferred, don't expect much help with romance or sex. Prefer to beta over AIM, for real time discussion. Specialities: spelling and grammar, and canon accuracy. Contact .
BETA OFFERED Preferred genres: Action, Humor. Any length, any pairing, but I hate romance, so please, nothing too mushy! Specialities: Conflicts with the books. Conflicts within the story. Contact .
Plot Bunny Adoption Agency
Adorable little plot bunnies who need a home! Won't you give them one? Here are a few of our poor little dears:
BUTLER + ROMANCE NOVELS
Could someone please write something to explain this bizarre character
development? Please?
PEX AND CHIPS
Random drabble series: won't stop explaining the reasons behind
their names to each other, again and again and again in various situations.
Please adopt and help prevent author from spending the rest of her life
writing hundred word snippets about two musclebound morons.
Challenges
The challenge is to write 12 (or more) fics out of the 24 Labours. These
are challenges that range from AH to X-overs. You can also submit a
"fishwish" fic request. Ongoing.
Every month, a challenge and a prompt is given. Write a drabble for
that prompt, around 100 words, and post it on the LiveJournal group!
Challenge #23: "PROPORTIONS"
Submit by: end of January.
The history of fairies challenge. What were fairies like before
the advancement of technology? Must include an explicit reversal
of public opinion between the time the fic is set and the current-day
historical perspective.
Deadline: January 30th
The double jeopardy challenge. Two interrelated storylines which never merge together. (Must include reference to a needle, ice, and a foreign swear word)
Deadline: February 28th
Personal Ads
SINGLE ADOLESCENT FEMALE
Requires assistance to break
into Fowl Manor. Sponsor must be well trained in martial arts
and capable of defeating Butlers. Sponsor must also be able to
persuade Arty to marry me. Contact Maria Susanna at The Pit.
CENTAUR, STILL TAKEN
Ladies, ladies! Please stop replying to my ads, one quadraped can only
fend off so many queries at once, and you're making Caballine jealous!
MATURE FEMALE ELF
Seeks a man who will hold up his end of the chores and mediate disagreements between two adult children living at home. Contact Mrs. Kelp in Haven City.
Lost and Found
LOST
Box of truffles. Lucious, melt-in-the-mouth, chocolatey truffles. If found, avoid looking at them and send
to Cell #2184 at Howler's Peak, for substantial reward.
FOUND
Mysterious ring. The size of a quarter. Has a glowing
red gem in the centre. Emits faint buzzing sound. Call:
(353) 555-1053.
LOST
Geometry textbook in pristine condition. Belonging to Artemis
Fowl II of St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen. Please
return immediately, or my revenge will be swift and merciless. Send an email
to artemisfowl_ii@fowlmanor.ie.
Announcements
RIP
May the dead original female characters rest in peace. Sadly slain since
fans read TLC. There have been unconfirmed reports the
cause is the new character, Minerva.
Fans, however, have taken the matter into their own hands by torturing and killing Minerva in their own fanfics.
Le Première Convention
des Groupies de Artemis Fowl!
Soupirez-vous après les yeux saphir, les cheveaux de jais, le teint
clair... Tombez-vous amoreuse avec le virtuose, le génie; l'espérance,
l'impossibilité? Ne faites pas vous attention à la manipulation du
génie criminel? Visitez le château Paradizo pour le première Convention
des Groupies de Artemis Fowl!
(Mais Artemis, le mien. Ne touchez pas: seul les yeux! Comprenez-vouz?)
Help Wanted
INTERPRETER WANTED
Ugly female preferred (to make
me look better). To accompany me to an Artemis Fowl convention
in France. Fluency in French and English a must. Fluency
in other Italian and Spanish if possible. Must have a good grasp
of clichés and mushy love poems.
ADDITIONAL BODYGUARDS REQUESTED
To protect principal at the convention in France from screaming fangirls. Must be able to fight off hormone-driven, rabid fangirls. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with the Butler! Send an email to butler@fowlmanor.ie.
OA JUDGES
Judging season is upon us! Want to have a hand in who wins
this year's Orion Awards? Like to read and discuss fanfiction? Then Judging is
the job for you! More help is always appreciated, and our Staff just loves
welcoming new members. Volunteer
here.
Affiliates
ConventionDeArtemisFowl.net
Le Première Convention des Groupies de Artemis Fowl!
Death2MinervaP.com
Petition to Eoin Colfer to kill off Minerva Paradizo, the girl who
usurped Arty from the rightful owners!
Right2bEvil.gnom
Demons are people, too! Sign the petition to free our misunderstood brothers from limbo
FoalyNCaballine4Eva.com
Fanlisting for FoalyxCaballine shipping. Folabers unite!
Sool4Cmdr.gnom
Petition to reinstate Sool as the LEPrecon Commander! Going for three years and only one signature, so please help me us!
